FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We got so high we made milksteak
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
