Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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