FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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