She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
