he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
