Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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