We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
