just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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