And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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