After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Life is so much better after having sex.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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