I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
