Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
