you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
