I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
