We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
