Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have aggressive nipples.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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