I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
