I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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