She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
