i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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