i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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