its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
