is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
