She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
