Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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