Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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