you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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