He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
