i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
These tits shall not be calmed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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