Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Every concussion has its silver lining
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
