This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
