i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
