Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
