I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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