Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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