My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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