Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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