I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
