I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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