I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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