3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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