I want to walk on stilts...naked
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
