As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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