remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
