The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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