Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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