We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
