Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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