He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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