break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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