I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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