the condom got lost in my hair
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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