it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
