So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
