i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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