dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
