Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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