But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
