So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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