How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
