My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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