isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
